It is very common in Pakistani society for people to ask intrusive questions about your personal life. This can include questions about when you’re getting married to when you’re having children to how many children will you have etc. This is not only a breach of your personal boundaries and privacy but also extremely bad for one’s mental and emotional wellbeing. For instance, someone actually might want to get married but is unable to find the right partner or is under some financial stress.
Similarly, someone might not be able to reproduce even if they wanted to, or could have had miscarriages or simply just does not like children or believes the world is on the brink of climate collapse so it is actually a bad idea to bring more children into an already dark and gloomy world. Whatever, the reason might be, invading someone’s personal boundaries is something a lot of Pakistanis love doing depicting a complete lack of basic social skills, ethics or even intelligence as they delve intentionally or unintentionally in other people’s private lives.
As many people in Pakistan approach adulthood, they often face the same set of intrusive questions from family and friends: When are you getting married? Are you planning to have children?
These questions may seem harmless at first, but they can quickly become an unwelcome source of stress and pressure, especially for those who are not yet ready or interested in marriage and children. So as a Pakistani woman or man, how do you deal with such unpleasant questions? Well here are some tips for how to deal with intrusive questions about marriage and having children:
Set Boundaries
It’s important to remember that you are in charge of your own decisions. If the questions are becoming too frequent or uncomfortable, it’s okay to politely remind family and friends that you would rather not discuss these topics. You can also let them know that you will reach out if or when you are ready to share updates. Tell them in a kind, polite but firm way that you do not want to discuss your personal life and are not comfortable with these intrusive questions.
Take Some Space
It’s perfectly normal and healthy to take a break from family and friends if they cross the line with intrusive questions. Taking some space can help you clear your head, move past any feelings of guilt or anxiety, and figure out how you would like to handle the situation in the future. You can even walk away from intrusive questions and ask them to give you some space.
Redirect the Conversation
If you’re feeling put on the spot, you can try redirecting the conversation. For example, if someone asks about whether you are ever going to have children, you can respond with something like, “I’m actually not sure what the future holds for me. But how was your trip to Karachi last month?” Turn the focus towards them and ask them about their experiences or something general. This is a great strategy to divert their focus and attention to other matters. If you keep doing this, it will also serve as a sign for them to mind their own business, if they are smart enough to pick up these subtle cues of course.
Offer Honest Answers
If someone truly has your best interest at heart and is just curious, it might be helpful to explain your decision-making process. For example, you can describe how it’s not the right time for you, or you can explain the advantages and disadvantages of marriage and children.
Dealing with intrusive questions about marriage and having children can be difficult, but setting boundaries and redirecting the conversation can help. No matter what your circumstances, remember that you have options. The most important thing is to make sure you are making decisions that are right for you. Don’t succumb to pressure or make life choices that don’t work for you. Everyone has their own path and journey in life, you must follow yours. What works for you, might not work for others and vice versa. You have to do what you think is best for you. Step away from what doesn’t work for you.
