Molestation is a menace in our society. Every other child and adolescent has been or is at risk of being molested. It may be at the hands of close or distant family members, teachers, peers, house help or even strangers.
But, what is molestation?
We are all familiar with good touch and bad touch. In the broadest sense, any touch that makes a person uncomfortable is bad touch. While good touch is any touch that makes one feel loved, comfortable and respected. A touch can be good or bad depending on the intention. If the intention is to sexually arouse or gratify oneself, then it is a bad touch – and a clear example of molestation. Molestation is a form of abuse where the victim is sexually assaulted. It may involve a simple touch or use of force. In the strictest and legal sense it is when a male person touches the buttocks, anus, pubic area or breasts of a minor child, adolescent or woman; exposes his genitals (exhibitionism); exposes a child to or uses her for pornography; or, using force, commits rape or incest.
Developing a general safeguarding attitude:
Often-times out of respect or obedience to elders, children and adolescents may tolerate, ignore or comply with inappropriate behavior. However, it is important to know that your dignity, modesty and rights come first. These should not be compromised in any situation. Girls must be bold enough to not feel intimidated by an elder person who is behaving in an inappropriate way. Giving a shut up call, being blunt, stepping back and blatantly refusing is a girl’s first line of defense.
A victim should also not invalidate her own feelings by thinking that she may be mistaken about the molester’s intention. If she has negative vibes, she must listen to her inner self. In any case it is never too late and never too early to blow the whistle on a molester. Molestation, however benign, should be reported at the first occurrence.
Developing these general attitudes is essential for adolescents to safeguard themselves and their rights in this often confusing and mean world. Here are some practical steps to deal with molestation and, specifically, incest (which is common and more often swept under the carpet):
Dealing with molestation by an acquaintance or a stranger:
Safeguard yourself:
First of all prioritize your own safety. Avoid being alone with a person you might feel uneasy with. You may even be able to suspect a person who has ill-intentions. If someone wants you to come along with him to a deserted or secluded place and you have a hunch, refuse flatly. Tell him to deal with you in an area that is in full view of others.
Follow appropriate curfew times:
It is safe and in your best interest to follow a routine that automatically eliminates risky situations. Being home early is always safe. Decline or avoid attending group studies, hangouts or parties that are scheduled late in the evening. Making this a rule will make your life risk-free.
Keep Company: If you need to ride with a stranger or driver who is suspicious, always have company. Make a point to have someone accompany you, like a parent, sibling or friend.
Tell an adult right away: There is no shame in being a victim. If someone has touched you inappropriately, demanded you to do something inappropriate or insisted that you keep things secret, you need to tell your parent or another trusted adult even if you feel ashamed. Gather the courage to take a trusted adult into confidence. Confiding in a parent or an elder is very important for one’s health, safety and to deter the molester.
Self-Defense:
Always carry pepper spray to use in a situation you need to escape from. Spray the aggressor and run away to safety. You should carry this self-defense item in public places, or secluded, suspicious places, or if you know you will have to stay in school or college late. These can be ordered online for around Rs. 1,000 at, for example, www.khawla.com.pk.
Dealing with incest – molestation by a family member:
It is important to discuss a certain type of molestation that is incest. It is sexual abuse by a close male member of the family like the father, brother, uncle or cousin. It may be subtle and have been started at a very young age so it is difficult to deal with because, usually, it is dismissed if brought to a parent or elder’s notice. The idea that near and dear ones or family members will always touch, kiss, pat, caress with a good intention is wrong. So if you are uneasy with any family member touching you, seating you in their lap, telling you to keep secrets you must tell your mother and explain how uncomfortable and uneasy you are. She should step in and deal with the situation. For example, she should at the least avoid you having any interaction with a molesting uncle. If the situation demands that she stand up for you in your immediate family vis a vis your father or brother, she needs to take that action and you need to insist and support her. If your personal situation does not allow this then you will need to approach another close female member of the family, preferably a more elder one who may be able to deal with the situation.
Written By: Amna Saadat Ali
